Last night I spent about 3 hours on the computer importing pictures and videos from my iphone to the computer to free up some space. As pictures were imported I realized that I collected 10 months worth of videos and pictures of my daughter, from 1 day old up until this past Sunday. As I sat and alternated from watching her sleep (yes I stalk her, so sue me!) and watching all of these videos, I couldn’t help but think that sometimes I feel like God sent her here for me to learn from her as much as she is to learn from me.
This time last year:
I was carrying a bowling ball around 24 hours a day and filled with worry and anxiety. I wondered who she would look like, just how big she planned on getting before she was born, would she be a healthy baby, would she be a happy baby, would she love me, would I love her, would my maternal instinct kick right in just like everyone says it does, would I be a good mother, when would my milk come in, did I prepare enough for her arrival, would she turn around (breach baby), would she come early, late or on time….the questions never ended. So much so that I worried myself right into bed rest, my blood pressure was pretty high. This kind of forced me to have to sit back, relax, pray, come to terms with the fact that things weren’t going to go textbook for me and let things happen as God intended. And with a dash of humor and a splash of drama she was here healthy, happy and with lots of personality.
Fast forward to present day: I’ve been stressing a bit about her approaching first birthday, first easter, things happening at my job and getting healthy again to the point where my days are blurred. Yesterday (Tuesday) I could have sworn it was Thursday, kind of blur. This is no way to live! But as I sat and watched those videos and lived in that moment again and turned and watched this beautiful, healthy, happy, smart and funny baby sleeping (all over my bed) it was like I was being reminded to enjoy her every single day, relax, pray, stop worrying so much and let things happen as God intended.
And as I leaned to kiss her chubby cheeks thankful for the lesson received, almost like a sign from God, she reached up and put her hand on my face…..and slapped me! This kid!!! 🙂
No worries…I got this!