I traded in my a.d.d. for tourettes

****disclaimer: I’ve never been clinically diagnosed with A.D.D. nor Tourettes, why should I pay for a doctor when there’s WebMD. Also too if you have either of this disabilities you will probably be offended by this post (shrugs)****

It started with things as simple as picking up the remote control to turn to my favorite show, getting distracted by a piece of lint and totally forgetting why I had the remote in my hand. Or walking to the bathroom to get q-tips from the medicine cabinet and forgetting why exactly I was standing in the bathroom. Getting on the downtown train when I meant to go uptown and trying to figure out where I was headed. Meaning to tell someone something, forgetting and then remembering a week later.

The past *#&@** years of my life have consisted of me telling my sister/assistant to put etc etc on her calendar to remind me to do just about EVERYTHING. Before you get confused I am no celeb or someone of great importance (except in my momma’s and daughter’s eyes), so why do I have an assistant? If it weren’t for my sister (Bless her good heart!) I’d forget to do anything that involved more thought than brush my teeth, take a shower, walk one foot in front of the other. Why can’t I put it on my own calendar? Because I’d forget! Duh have you been paying attention?

Recently in an effort to relieve her of some of the pressure of basically having to remind me to live my life, I tried out a few methods.

Using the note app on my phone…except I forget to go back and look at what I wrote.
Writing things down in the palm of my hand…except I’m a slight germophob so I wash my hands frequently.
Trying to get more sleep at night…hey sleep is to me what windex is to the father from My Big Fat Greek Wedding, it fixes everyting…except forgetfulness.
In my last effort I decided to just blurt it out…(no exceptions) this one has proven to be the winner!
Yay! I finally found a solution to my problem of forgetfulness…it’s almost as though when I blurt out whatever it is, I’ve put it into the universe therefore there’s no way I can forget. Except when I say blurt it out I mean it in it’s truest form. It’s very tourette’s like and rather rude. In a discussion about a new system being introduced to my job, I blurted out “Timecards, I have to send an email!”. Feeling half victorious for remembering but mostly mortified as my boss, in mid sentence, stared at me with the “what the hell just happened here” look on his face. After apologizing profusely for interrupting, I had to explain the reason for the outburst (not a very good look for someone who’s in charge of keeping someone else’s schedule on track might I add). Last Monday, my sister was telling me about her weekend and in the middle of the apex of the previous weekend’s events… “can you download Jolene?” ← (smh yep I did that!). Being the champ that she is and understanding “my problem” she just continued her weekend rundown as if she wasn’t just rudely interrupted! How great is she!

If you asked me which affliction I’d rather, I’d have to say the “blurties”. It’s been way easier for me to say sorry and explain the blurties than to forget to return my granny’s phone call, remind my boss about a lunch or send a thank you note and have the sunken failure feeling or sit scratching my head! Even though an unconventional and maybe even frowned upon solution to my nagging problem, it’s worked tried and true so I intend to ride the blurtie motherfucker til the wheels fall off. But hey that’s just me!!!!

EVERYBODY’S GOT THEIR SOMETHING.

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