I’m treading in very unfamiliar territory these days and it’s so uncomfortable. I’ve never really been too keen on caring what people had to say about me or how I lived my life, as long as I knew I was doing the best that I could, that I was making decisions that I was okay with, that I wasn’t hurting anyone and I didn’t disgrace my parental units too much or too often I was good. I sent my mother into her fair share of panic attacks but I’ll just chock those up to growing pains. I didn’t even bat an eye when my granny told me I was going to hell for having an abundance of tattoos and for “living in sin”, I actually laughed. So besides a small share of times I’ve never really been affected by people’s opinion of me…..
That is until I became a mom. Now don’t get me wrong I’m not walking around seeking approval from the whole free world but now I am deeply affected by things that my support system says and thinks in regards to me being a mom. Which is so ridiculously stupid and annoying, I don’t like this feeling one bit. Because of these new “unwanted” feelings I’ve been experiencing I allowed something that a close family member said make me so angry that I completely lost my cool. And usually I’m the cool even-tempered one in the room. Well until shit hits the fan but that’s another story for another time lol. Babygirl’s hair was commented on by a family member and I went from 0-300 REAL QUICK! That’s some shit you just don’t do…EVER! I’ve gotten fired up about people going out of their way to say something about Gabby Douglas’ hair instead of the greatness that she achieved and when that stupid petition was posted online for Jay & Bey to do something with Blue Ivy’s hair so I think it’s was a given that when the comment was made about Babygirl’s hair I lost my shit. The comment was made about 3 weeks ago and I still haven’t made my way back down to 0.
This is when it gets annoying if it were said about me cooler heads would have prevailed I’d have a super snappy comeback, laugh and dismiss you just like that. But you say something about my child and the hot head in me was unleashed and all my God given common sense just flew out the damn window. I’m aware that I have absolutely no control over the things that come out of people’s mouth and I have all the control in the world over my reactions and this is something I try to live by on a daily basis but when you throw being a mom and having something said about my kid into the mix it’s totally unconquered territory for me. Which is where the being uncomfortable and annoyed comes in, it’s like I know the numbers and I know the equations I just can’t apply the math. Ugh! I am absolutely positively unapologetic about my lost shit nor am I in any rush to find it as I’m totally into nipping in the bud-ness but I am also very aware that I can’t go around blowing fuses every single time something like this happens (I don’t possess enough fuses for that). The differentiation of what’s worth a fuse and what isn’t and developing thick mommy skin is going to be a task that will require the constant hand of Jesus upon me at all times, because right about now I’m feeling like a new born baby out in these streets, but I’m ready to do the work! And so this is yet another learning experience in the magical world of mommyhood. Oy vey!
No worries…I got this!