Sometimes Nothing Is Everything

Usually during the weekend I’m running around like a chicken with my head cut off trying to make up for not being born filthy rich and therefore not being able to spend as much time with  Babygirl because I have to slave to the man for 11 hours a day (I’ve included travel time because anyone who commutes to work in New York City is fully aware that it’s a job in and of itself).  So I’m always trying to find and makeup new fun memories for us to partake, in the hopes that when she looks back she’ll remember all the fun times and not all the times mommy wasn’t there because she was slaving to the man because she wasn’t born filthy rich and doesn’t have any talents that could afford her the hopes of being rich.  But I digress!  Sprinkle in some weekend cleaning (they don’t call me Queen Cleanopatra or Cleanlomaniac for nothing), some laundry doing, some errand running, some preparing for the week ahead and gosh darn it no wonder I’m always tired.

Today I found myself sitting on the couch with my feet up, blanket across my lap, catching up on old tv and playing with Thomas the engine with Babygirl amidst a messy room (well by messy I mean I don’t feel an onset of a germophobic OCD panic attack), unbathed and uninterested in the thought of bathing at the moment and I couldn’t help but let out a sigh of relief and say to myself this is hella nice!  I need to do this more often.


Hope you’re enjoying your Sunday, we sure as hell are.

No Worries….I Got This!


This Week in Mommyhood: Potty training! We got ourselves a shituation.

Potty training! (oy-vey)

I must admit that I was a lil judgy about the haughty taughty mommies who pay people to potty train their kiddies.  But after being up to my elbows in piss and crap I had to check myself right quick. If it weren’t for cheating myself out of a sense of accomplishment I’d totes be on the potty trainer train. This whole potty training bit, I’m quite over it!

We are definitely making progress and however long the process is taking I will not complain but I do have some issues with the different stages involved in the progression.

Stage One: Getting familiar with the potty
This stage was harmless or so I thought.  Just letting her see me “go potty” or having her go potty whenever I go potty wasn’t a problem at all.  Until that turned into an open invitation to bust in on me when mommy needs *ahem ahem* mommy time in the bathroom if you know what I mean.  Doors were never locked when I was growing up so it’s not something I normally do, but when I have to seriously go “potty” or when I’m shaving my legs in the shower and look up and have these 2 adorable eyes staring at me it’s just a bit much and so “click click” locked doors it is.

Stage Two: Supervised visitations
After getting familiar with the potty she had to get used to actually pottying, so every 25 minutes or so “time to go potty”.  Not so bad right?  Except when you end up having to sit in the bathroom for 10-15 minutes each time waiting for the “potty” to occur.

Stage Three: Notification
Once she got used to making potty we were in business.  As soon as she sat down she would go, all good.  Then we started to work on her telling us she had to go instead of us telling her to go.  Not so good!  We’d get all excited to hear “mommy/daddy go potty” until we realized she had actually gone potty already. ” Babygirl you have to tell us before you go potty okay” said one or both of us.  “Okay” she’s reply.  To no avail, close but no cigar.

Stage Four: Pull-Ups
She is currently wearing pull ups (aka her panties) throughout the day which she absolutely loves (thank the Lord for Dora, Thomas and Doc McStuffins pull ups).  Bad news they don’t hold half as much pottiness as pampers sooooooo there have been a lot of mommy and daddy’s wet pants legs and pissy couches and car seats. Not to mention these pull-ups are the devil because although they pull-up like they should lord knows they don’t pull down as easily…see stage 5 for more.

Stage Five: Potty Drills
For those of you who don’t know.  Potty drills are when they tell you 2.5 seconds before they actually go that they have to go and you drop everything and make a mad dash to the bathroom  so that they can make potty in the potty and then we can have a potty celebration.  8 out of 10 potty drills end in us having to clean up a little puddle of piss directly in front of the potty because those damn pull ups aren’t as easy to pull down as they should be.  I guess that’s why they purposely call them pull ups.

Stage  Six: Shituation Not Normal
We’re still trying to master step 5 but I think we’re almost done.  A week or so ago she’s entered the stage in which she doesn’t want her dirty pull ups touching her booty.  Which means after she goes potty (including the not so pleasant potty) in her big girl panties she immediately attempts to take them off.  A couple of times I’m sitting and minding my business and here comes a naked bootied baby.   This week I had the pleasure of catching her stripping post poopy in the pull ups.  What a shituation that was!!! Ugh.  I’m done here.

Thankfully I’ve heard that once they get to the stage that they don’t want to wear the dirty diapers/pull ups the next step is full on pottying.  And for the sake of my well being and germophobia I hope they’re right!

Have you gone through shituation potty?  Were you as skeeved out as I am?  Care to share any helpful hints/survival tips?


No Worries…I’ve Got This!  Pissy and Crappy and all.




Sh*t My Granny Says

We are now in the serious climbing phase of parenthood.  Babygirl has gone from the simple “nothing to worry about lifts” to the daredevil “I do not want to go to the hospital tonight” leaps and bounds.  So I can’t say I was too surprised by the phone call I received this morning from my granny but I wasn’t quite ready for the turn our conversation took, the convo went a little something like this:

Granny: Hey Mo!

Me: Hey Granny!

Granny: Look I went into babygirl’s room to grab her clothes and when I came out, she climbed on puppy’s cage and got a hold of that money you left

Me: *gasp* she didn’t rip it up did she?!!!!!!!!

Granny: no, no, no,  but it is all over the floor, she was making it rain.

Did my granny just say “making it rain?” why yes, yes she did.  Ay ay ay!  I couldn’t control my laughter.  I can’t help but wonder where she’s heard “make it rain” seeing as I’m just about the youngest person she hangs with.

Turn down for what!

I swear she makes it so easy for me to forget that she’s only 1-year-old.  I’m rather impressed by baby girl’s communicative skills, through her ever-growing vocabulary, facial expressions, occasional uh huh’s and her comedic timing I know just what she means and although she isn’t fully talking yet she understands every.single.word.

This morning I left Mr. Grumps and baby girl home.  While in the middle of shopping I get a text from Mr. Grumps….

Grumps: “babygirl is a mess”

me: “what did she do now”

Grumps: “I guess she got tired of me telling her to turn the iPad down so she crawled off the bed and went in the living room”

All eyes were on me as I bust out laughing in the middle of the supermarket aisle.

I returned home shortly after to baby girl sitting on the couch with ankles crossed like a little lady and laughing hysterical at Charlie biting his brother.  “Hi mommy” she said just barely looking away from Charlie, “hi baby girl, why are you out here by yourself, daddy got on your nerves?”.  She finally looked up from her iPad with a face that can only be described as “boy let me tell you” and said ever so seriously “uh huh”

I couldn’t control my laughter.  If ever there was a time for the saying “turn down from what” this was it!   oy vey